Gabriel Iglesias Quotes

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.

I'm all about showing people that I'm a little messed up, I have a lot of the same problems you have. By exposing myself and putting myself out there, people can relate to me and my act won't grow stale. I mean, nobody wants to hear a comedian say, 'Life is great.'

I've got foundation jokes, the ones that got me where I am, so everything I do just builds on top of that.

You wonder why I only talk about my personal life. But that's all I've ever done.

If you surround yourself with a bunch of guys who no mas se quieren puro pari and are like, "Aaah, let's go get some chicks." Guess what? That's going to slow you down and keep your head somewhere else.

I see a Latino comic as someone who can only perform for Latino audiences. I cross the board.

Jeff Foxworthy had that whole "You might be a redneck" thing; Larry the Cable Guy had "Git-R-Done." Some comics have that hook. Dane Cook had that super finger. So I just caught on early on. I ran with "Fluffy."

For about three years I was performing at one bar in East Los Angeles that was like a mean dive bar. You're in there performing for drunks or bikers, not the most flattering people. I think it helped build my confidence, because you have to get their attention, then make them laugh.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

I got a brother who calls me Hollywood. Sisters kind of keep their distance. Even my mom is kind of like ahhh with me. Yeah dude, it really sucks. And I wish things were different. Unfortunately, they don't understand everything I go through on a day to day basis to be able to maintain what I'm doing.

I'm always very happy to talk to people. I relate to people, and the guy on stage is very much the guy that's off stage. People know when it's fake.

By the end of the semester [in the high school] I was the only one up in front of the class everyday. Actually I could have passed the class four times over because every time you got in front of the class you got extra credit.That was the only class I got an A in and it was the funniest report card because it read Speech - A but everything else was just D, D, D, D.

If i wouldn't have done comedy, I would have been a teacher. I was really good when I took an exploratory teaching class in high school, at getting kids' attention, and delivering lesson plans. Though my principal even told me that this was what I was meant to do. And that being a big-mouth comedian was a waste of time.

The girl voice is always going to kill because they don't expect it.

I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake.

Honestly, I really don't like acting. I don't enjoy it. What I do like is going to a movie theatre and seeing my face on a poster. I like seeing my name on a poster. That is cool.

Understand that you don't know it all. You don't know anything yet. What you've been taught is great, but always go with common sense. And don't marry your first love.

I went up on stage, and said, "Why did the chicken cross the road? To check out the chicks." I was a genius at 10. Try telling that at 21, and you look hacky and stupid. That was the only joke I've ever told. Everything since has been character voices, doing impressions or just telling stories.

TV show's really quick. You're in, you're out. A film usually takes a lot longer. However, a voiceover is very much like TV in the sense that it's really quick. For example, I did the movie Planes in one day.

I'm a big fan of Kiss. Gene Simmons, he's all into marketing and branding. You name it, there's some type of product with Kiss' name on it. Studying people like that, you see guys have hooks and there are reasons people are successful.

I want to get so famous that I don't have to wake up in the morning. It'll probably never happen.

That was the challenge. How can you tell the story here and make sure it goes the same way on the other side of the world?

Being on TV sucks. It's a lot of work. You memorize scripts and then you show up and they change everything. I'm a control freak. When I'm doing stand-up, I say what I want and then I get instant feedback.

[Making people laugh] was a secret dream I kept and I didn't tell anybody about it until I was about 18.

I like to tell old jokes on stage after about an hour, or an hour and a half. I'll bring those old ones back because the fans love them.

I was not the popular kid in school.

If you put your personal stories out there people always connect.

Anything is possible as long as you're focused, determined and you really want to do it.

You can't be bad ass in a car that kills gas like I kill tacos.

Anyone who's seen my specials knows I don't put out the same stuff twice.

Aside from producing I want to direct but I'm also going to get back out on the road.

I'm a comedian who happens to be Latino. What's the difference? The difference is, my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo.

I started talking about things that everybody could relate to. And that's not to say I deserted my roots, I just found a way to talk about things in a broad way.

That's one thing about my shows. I tell people, I'm not a comedian, I'm just a really funny reporter. I put my life out there and make it entertaining. By putting it out there, it helps me to deal with it, you know, so I don't snap and so I don't go off the handle when I get home.

I'll walk up to a woman, I'll say the first thing that comes to mind: 'Hey, you hungry?'

Why would anybody connect to someone who has everything going for them? It's the person who has faults that people want to connect to. So people identify with certain insecurities on stage and just by me talking about my diabetes people come up to me after the show and tell me "Gabe, my blood sugar is out of control and I feel you". That's the first thing they say, they say "I feel you!".

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

Be personal, and original. Try to work clean. Stay away from topical material, as it does not allow you to craft it to make it better for later. And always remember that it is the fans who will make you or break you.

When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use the voices to make it more entertaining.

I just know you can not be on top forever. There's always going to be the next guy, and if I'm going to go down, I'd like to know I helped the next guy take my spot. You can't prevent the inevitable, but you can join the ship.

I have no talent when it comes to pianos or guitars or any of that, even karaoke. For karaoke, I have to be wasted to get up there and sing.

Well, like I said, there's no reason everyone can't have a piece of the pie, even if there's a gordo there eating most of it.

Comedy is my passion. I'm going to do this until I drop.

I still come out to music that's in Spanish. There's no denying who I am, but I've just made it to where my performance is so anybody can understand it - whether you're 10 years old or 80 years old.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

I have very nice cars. I never get to drive them, because I'm never home.

As a comedian, especially one that works as much as I do, there is a lot of sacrifice. People don't see that I'm away from my family 46 weeks out of the year. I miss all the birthdays and anniversaries and holidays.