Josh Billings Quotes

When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion.

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.

Knowledge is like money, the more a man gits the more he hankers for.

The great art of writing is knowing when to stop.

One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.

We are ap tu hate them, who wont take our advice, and despise them who do.

Biography is the best form of history.

It's not so hard to get rich as it is to know when you have gotten rich.

The nearest we can come to) perfect happiness is to cheat ourselves with the belief that we have got it.

I called my cat William because no shorter name fits the dignity of his character. Poor old man, he has fits now, so I call him Fitz-William.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

It ain't because lovers are so sensitive that they quarrel so often; it is because there is so much fun n the making up.

Anxiety will bear a lot of nuisance.

Some folks are wise and some otherwise.

There is not a whole lot of fun in medicine but there is a whole lot of medicine in fun.

One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.

Prejudice is a house-plant which is very apt to wilt if you take it out-of-doors among folks.

Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he has been.

You cannot analyze a kiss any more than you can dissect the fragrance of flowers.

There is a sort of charm in ugliness, if the person has some redeeming qualities and is only ugly enough.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

It strains a man's philosophy the worst kind to laugh when he gets beat.

You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Pyrotechnically considered, [laughing] is the fire-works of the soul.

I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.

It ain't no disgrace for a man to fall, but to lie there and grunt is.

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

Faith is the soul riding at anchor.

The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.

Error will slip through a crack, while truth will stick in a doorway.

A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided - it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it is never a dollar again.

The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.

Our continual desire for praise ought to convince us of our mortality, if nothing else will.

The truly innocent are those who not only are guiltless themselves but who think others are.

It is not much trouble to doctor sick folks, but to doctor healthy ones is troublesome.

If you believe you can do something, then you can acquire the ability to do it even if you didn't have it in the beginning.

I don't never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks' straight is what bothers me.

A good reliable set of bowels is worth more to a man than any quantity of brains.

Building air castles is a harmless business as long as you don't attempt to live in them.

Taking from others never results in prosperity. If we steal from others, life will steal from us. There is an incredible abundance on this planet. True prosperity begins with feeling good about yourself and about the choices you make. Life is here for us. Life is here to support us in every way. We give out, we get back. Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread.

The man who has never been tempted doesn't know how dishonest he is.

Successful writers learn at last what they should learn at first,--to be intelligently simple.

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

A learned fool is one who has read everything and simply remembered it.

Nature makes all the noblemen; wealth, education, or pedigree never made one yet.

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

If you do not know how to lie, cheat, and steal, turn your attention to politics and learn.