I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bill CosbyMy father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, “You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you.
Bill CosbyA person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.
Bill CosbyIf you have a question about anything, the answer can be found in a book somewhere in the library.
Bill CosbyEmotionally, a person can become so negatively driven that they don't respect the privilege of being on this Earth without their mother and their father. They may say it doesn't bother them, but there is something in us about those who are a biological part of us and don't care. People in that situation stop hearing the other voices that love them, hold them, trust them and tells them how great they are. They're focused on that one person who isn't answering them.
Bill CosbyAll around the United States of America - in the cities and the counties - our public education is suffering and has been suffering. Cuts, cuts, cuts.
Bill CosbyYou'll have many, many friends, but if your relationship with your mate is one hundred per cent of your heart, you'll never need a friend.
Bill CosbyMy mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.
Bill CosbyLet me say this: I only expect the black media to uphold the standards of excellence in journalism and when you do that, you have to go in with a neutral mind.
Bill CosbyThese people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking round.
Bill CosbyI’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.
Bill CosbyI recently turned fifty, which is young for a tree, mid-life for an elephant, and ancient for a quarter-miler, whose son now says, "Dad, I just can't run the quarter with you anymore, unless I bring something to read."
Bill CosbySex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
Bill CosbyWomen don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
Bill CosbyIf the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
Bill CosbyThere should be marches in every neighborhood every day telling the people about the negativity of drugs and how the drugs help us to behave negatively.
Bill CosbyI said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"
Bill CosbyAnd to those people with no children but who think they'd like to have them some day to fulfill their lives. Remember: With fulfillment comes responsibility.
Bill CosbyWhen I decided that I wanted to go to college, I wanted to be a school teacher for 7th and 8th grade boys because I felt that was an important time for them. I had gone astray at that point in my life and really wanted to help keep them from making the same mistake I had made.
Bill CosbyThe beautiful thing about older people is their ability to cut the fat off of conversation. When they talk, they don't go on forever and ever. They say what they have to say, and that's it. That was my grand dad. Some of the things he said stunned me, but his words were logical. I'll never forget them.
Bill CosbyIt doesn't make any difference how much money a father earns, his name is always Dad-Can-I.... Like all other children, my five have one great talent: they are gifted beggars. Not one of them ever ran into the room, looked up at me, and said, "I'm really happy that you're my father, and as a tangible token of my appreciation, here's a dollar.
Bill CosbyYou can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
Bill CosbyNo matter what you think-life goes on and the world still turns and the universe has its own story. The most we can do is plan anyway, but understand, be humbled by things greater than ourselves.
Bill CosbyMy eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.
Bill CosbyPeople will frighten you about a graduation.... They use words you don't hear often: And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices."
Bill Cosby