A white person listens to my act and he laughs and he thinks, 'Yeah, that's the way I see it too.' Okay. He's white. I'm Negro. And we both see things the same way. That must mean that we are alike..... So I figure I'm doing as much for good race relations as the next guy.
Bill CosbyIn my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee.
Bill CosbyI often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don't cry over the one person who doesn't.
Bill CosbyWhat is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children.
Bill CosbyOne of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children-unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek.
Bill CosbyI want to get violence - I want schools to start from K through 12 to just every day have teachers understand that they don't want to talk about anything that is violent, and they want to explain to the children how bad violence is and how behavior - violent behavior, is something that they really should not practice and think about.
Bill CosbyCollege was a wonderful time - except, of course, when it was trying to teach you things.
Bill CosbyMy wife and I have five children and the reason why we have five children is because we do not want six.
Bill CosbyMy childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.
Bill CosbyNow, Richard Pryor was unique. Many misunderstood his humor. He lit up the hallway, but they didn't understand his use of profanity. He didn't use it just to be using it; he used it in the context of his satire.
Bill CosbyHaving a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.
Bill CosbyI am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can.
Bill CosbyFor college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don't know what's next.
Bill CosbyAmong the guitarists, Wes Montgomery is fantastic. He's always good to let you know what the art form is all about. It's the same still life that everybody is painting, but in comes Wes Montgomery, and it's right there!
Bill CosbyIt isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.
Bill CosbyThe three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.
Bill CosbyOur children are angry. The profanity is out in the street. It's on the buses and in the subway. Our children are trying to tell us something, and we are not listening.
Bill CosbyI think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against women, profanity, being gangster, having multiple children with multiple men and women and not wanting to is prevalent. When you look at the majority of shows on television they placate that kind of behavior. If you go through a weekly Monday through Friday, it's all there. It's in how people on the sitcoms and cop shows talk to each other.
Bill CosbyYou also notice that the right side of your face feels like it's sliding off of your skull. And your bottom lip is in your lap!
Bill CosbyLet us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
Bill CosbyPoets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
Bill CosbyDid you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.
Bill CosbyIf you're a parent, the five worst words you can say to your children are, "When I was your age ..." You were never their age. You were older in the womb.
Bill CosbyYou are not going to 'go forth.' You are going to take that damn hat off and you're going to get a job.
Bill CosbyI did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards.
Bill CosbyMy latest blood test said my cholesterol was very high and my doctor recommended some medicine for it. I said "no" to his recommendation and he said "what are you going to do?" I said I ate my way into this and I'm going to eat my way out of it.
Bill Cosby