Steve Martin Quotes

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

The thing about the banjo is when you first hear it, it strikes many people as what's that? There's something very compelling about it to certain people.

In a strange way, I don't have a job, so I have a lot of time on my hands. When I do work, it might be very concentrated, and it might be months where you're not really doing anything except maybe playing the banjo or writing something. You know, there's a lot of time in the day if you're not working 9 to 5.

Why sip from a tea cup, when you can drink from the river.

She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.

Anyone who's ever worked with Meryl Streep always says the same thing: can that woman act! And what's with all the Hitler memorabilia?

There's a lot of thought in art. People get to talk about important things. There's a lot of sex, you know, in art. There's a lot of naked women and men, and there's intrigue, there's fakery. It's a real microcosm of the larger world.

An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.

I didn't come from a wealthy family. I had no money. Maybe it goes back to naivete which is your greatest asset when you're young. If I was starting in comedy today and if it didn't work the first time, I'd probably quit. But I kept at it, kept at it.

I choose a project based on whether it feels worthwhile working on when it comes to me. But secondly I choose it if it sounds like fun. Projects are determined by just how they strike me at the moment, as they have done throughout my whole life.

Somewhere in the world is...The world's worst doctor and he could be yours.

I opened the show with this line: "I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, wait, sorry, that's tomorrow night.

College totally changed my life. It changed what I believe and what I think about everything. I majored in philosophy.

What I mean is that none of my talents had a - what's that great word - rubric. A singer, an actor, a dancer - there was nothing I could really say I was. The writing came much later. And, actually, thank God, because if I had said I'm a singer, I would really have just had one thing to do.

You can't make something beautiful by trying to make something beautiful. Something becomes beautiful in the process of trying to be something else.

'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun.

At first I had no skills in writing comedy. I didn't know what a joke was, but, as someone once told me, your emotions follow your intent. If you create the intention of starting a comedy act, slowly your mind starts adjusting and you arrive at a new emotional state.

It's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? It's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, 'cause it seems so mythological, and seems so arbitrary; and then on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.

I really enjoy the social aspects of music as much as anything.

I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.

The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.

Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

Mirabelle is attractive; it's just that she is never the first or second girl chosen.

The presence of excessive wealth puts an unnatural spin on the appreciation of art.

I always felt the audience sorta tolerated the serious musical parts while I was doing my comedy.

I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up.

The bluegrass community... can be very strict. I didn't know if I'd be welcomed into the bluegrass community or not, but I think they judge you very fairly... I felt really welcome.

I cannot smell mothballs because it's so difficult to get their little legs apart.

Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.

I can understand the drug thing. So they feel that it's more important to take the drugs than to do a good show for the people.

Ah, yes. I remember my first beer.

They want me on the television shows now because I did so well on Celebrity Assholes.

There's no better way to learn something than to learn it in front of an audience. Your terror drives you.

...it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.

I started a grease fire at McDonald's - threw a match in the cook's hair.

I don't really manage my time. I really just wait until I'm inspired to do something. And when I'm inspired to do something, it just happens.

. . . Now you see . . . they' re not fit for humans . . ." "Put them on me.

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that.

My most persistent memory of stand - up is of my mouth being in the present and my mind being in the future: the mouth speaking the line, the body delivering the gesture, while the mind looks back, observing, analyzing, judging, worrying, and then deciding when and what to say next. Enjoyment while performing was rare - enjoyment would have been an indulgent loss of focus that comedy cannot afford.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.

To have someone play off and be with a band is more pleasurable.

I was raised with "Laurel and Hardy" and "I Love Lucy" and Jerry Lewis, and I just loved it. And I had a friend in high school and we would just laugh all day and put on skits. You know, it's the Andy Kaufman thing or the Marty Short thing where you're performing in your bedroom for yourself.