Drew Carey Quotes

Funniest thing happened though, you wouldn't believe it, ha, the mannequins came to life. I went insane.

In any other job, they're truck drivers. In show-biz, they're Transportation Captains.

The only way I'd need a pain reliever to enjoy sex is if all of my fantasies came true at the same time.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

After all, game shows are not like working in a coal mine.

I have a position of indirect respect and oblique power.

There's a game called Checkout where there's grocery items and it's how much you think the manufacturer's suggested retail price is and we add up your total, then your total has to be within $2 of the regular total. I don't think I could ever win that game.

I think a lot of people are afraid of freedom. They want their lives to be controlled, to be put into a box... Why should someone put a limit on how much fun I can have, how much I can accomplish?

Listen, you don't know any better so I'll just tell you. You can't try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.

The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.

The laughs are honestly bigger, ... They are the kind of unexpected belly laughs you get with your friends during conversation.

I wish I could end every rap song I didn't like with a buzzer.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

The economy is in trouble, schools are in trouble, and people have been leaving the city in droves for a long, long time.

I learned how to believe in myself. Learned how to set goals, you know, self help books man. I just read every single one I can get a hold of, and I still do.

I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.

People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren't doing better than they are.

Look, this is an odd question, but you're kind of cute and you're pretty nice to me. Are you drunk? It's OK if you are.

Libertarians are essentially what the Republicans were 30 years ago. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label.

I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them.

I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.

Violence doesn't solve anything? World War I. World War II. Star Wars. Every Super Bowl. Who says violence doesn't solve anything?

We'll never see national shows with 45 shares again.

I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter.

George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.

Sometimes I like [being famous], sometimes I don't. I've always been a people watcher. I like to go to malls and just sit, and I can't do that very easily anymore.

Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.

That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment.

Libertarians are conservatives who still get high.

I think that if anyone bothered to take a survey, they would find a sharp decline in atheism during the winters in Cleveland, Ohio.

But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do.

Living in Hollywood, you can get disconnected from everybody. You can feel like you are the only one.

I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

It sucks being fat, you know.

Just because a guy has a shaved head, pierced nipples, and doesn't have sex with women doesn't make him gay. It just makes him down on his luck.

The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.

Who ever thought that the world-famous Captain Obvious was really mild-mannered Colin Mochrie?

If I wasn't a comic or TV star, I really wanted to be a photojournalist.

Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.