[...] I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day.
Woody AllenLife is unresolved, confusing, bewildering, puzzling, ambiguous. You don't really know what's going to happen. The future is uncertain for everybody.
Woody AllenVisually I've always liked the 20s 30s for film. I do these because I like the music. I like the clothes. I like the way the women and the guys look. There are soldiers and sailors and gangsters with the machine guns in their violin cases. It's a very colorful era of New York, full of great theater and great nightclubs and great jazz.
Woody AllenI'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Woody AllenAs I got more confident, I was able to let actors improvise, and do long takes. It's 10%, 5% you learn and experience. The rest you just have or you don't have.
Woody AllenIn real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it.
Woody AllenI'll work by myself for years and then I'll think it'll be fun to et one of my friends like Marshall Brickman or Doug McGrath into a room and not be alone for the writing of the thing; to have the pleasure of taking walks and get lunch together; its sort of a fun process and then I do it and then I get back on my own for a while until I feel the need to do it again.
Woody AllenYou look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade.
Woody AllenHow wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not "the thing with feathers." The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich.
Woody AllenHaving sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Woody AllenI have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won't have to import them to New York.
Woody AllenI have a hyper-active imagination, my mind tends to jump around a little, and I have some trouble between fantasy and reality.
Woody AllenI know of only six genuine comic geniuses in movie history; Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx, Peter Sellers, and W.C. Fields.
Woody AllenLet's say there was a burning building and you could rush in and you could save only one thing: either the last known copy of Shakespeare's plays or some anonymous human being. What would you do?
Woody AllenStandard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.
Woody AllenIf you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life than a non-believer.
Woody AllenSome men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers.
Woody AllenHe adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion... no, make that: he - he romanticized it all out of proportion. Yes. To him, no matter what the season was, this was still a town that existed in black and white and pulsated to the great tunes of George Gershwin.
Woody AllenA deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.
Woody AllenPsychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.
Woody AllenThere's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way.
Woody AllenWhen I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy is sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles.
Woody AllenI've been escaping my whole life. Since I was a little child, I escaped into the movies on the other side as an audience member. I escaped by going into the movies and sitting in the movies all day long.
Woody AllenYou know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life
Woody AllenWhat advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.
Woody AllenI'm a nice person! I have healthy life drives and goals! I don't drink, I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person!
Woody AllenFor God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
Woody AllenToday I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
Woody AllenI have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
Woody AllenSex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
Woody AllenI don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
Woody Allen