Improvisation in general is good, and improvising material into themes, turning the material into something codified and repeatable, taught me scenic structure and dramatic gambits that work and things that are appealing both as a performer and an audience member, like you know, what does "want" really mean in a scene, and how do you achieve your want, and how is that expressed, and how do you achieve closure? Those are all things that I learned performing at the cabaret after just doing the same scenes over and over and over again over the years, with my own ability to change.
Stephen ColbertI used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that. I found it so inspirational. Why not make myself cooler than I am?
Stephen ColbertIf I thought I knew what was going to happen, it wouldn't be worth doing. The challenge is how joyfully, with what sense of fun and adventure and playfulness, we will greet it. We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.
Stephen ColbertOh sure, its fine when a monkey does it. But when I throw barrels at an Italian plumber, they call it a hate crime!
Stephen ColbertSixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
Stephen ColbertThis is a crucial time in the fight for corporate civil rights. Just look at the hateful signs at Occupy Wallstreet: 'Corporations Are Not People!' Wow, I thought we were past the point in this country where some people aren't people just because they have different color skin or different religion or were born in a lawyer's office, only exist on paper, have no soul and can never die.
Stephen ColbertAmerica used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.
Stephen ColbertThey say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.
Stephen ColbertI believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.
Stephen ColbertThe only thing that keeps us going back to one another is that we're all filled with such enormous self-doubt. We have doubts about our ability to be alone, to self-actualize.
Stephen ColbertWomen don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
Stephen ColbertSenator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That's creating jobs. In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who's stupid, Senator?
Stephen ColbertMarijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.
Stephen ColbertI don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.
Stephen ColbertI love being onstage. I love the relationship with the audience. I love the letting go, the sense of discovery, the improvising.
Stephen ColbertIf we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
Stephen ColbertHere's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
Stephen ColbertThey think I'm silly. I do silly things. I fall down and run into things. I talk to inanimate objects. I'll hold a pickup stick to my ear and say, "What? What's that? I can't hear you
Stephen ColbertCan accidentally eating halal food make you Muslim? Yes, the same way drinking a cosmo can make you gay.
Stephen ColbertFacts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty. People love the president because he's certain of his choices as a leader, even if the facts that back him up don't seem to exist. It's the fact that he's certain that is very appealing to a certain section of the country. I really feel a dichotomy in the American populace. What is important? What you want to be true, or what is true?
Stephen ColbertI may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
Stephen ColbertLife is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
Stephen ColbertTrump will not respond to reasoned argument. He will not be held accountable for the things he said. All you can do is point and laugh. Because the devil cannot abide mockery.
Stephen ColbertLife is chaotic and unpredictable. If a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, it could cause people at the opposite end of the globe to watch a Discovery Channel special on butterflies
Stephen ColbertIf you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
Stephen ColbertI wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry.
Stephen ColbertThere was sort of a negative association with the military. Maybe growing up in the South or being in a family with members of the military, I didn't have that negative connotation, but I did have this 'separate' connotation. I was ashamed to realize I had it and did not realize I had it until I was [in Iraq]. I was so impressed by the people I met over there and there was just a sense of connection and gratitude towards those people.
Stephen ColbertIf the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
Stephen ColbertIt's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.
Stephen ColbertNASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
Stephen ColbertI welcome opposing viewpoints, but I should warn you that you'll be facing off against the 2nd-place finisher at the 1981 Charleston County High-School Debate Tournament. And whatever became of that county champ who argued in favor of tractor safety modifications? Last time I checked, she didn't have her own show.
Stephen ColbertIf you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.
Stephen ColbertI'm proud of my ability to understand what somebody else is trying to do and help them achieve it, because part of the aesthetic of improvisation is service. You never say no. Serve the servant, follow the follower. And that's very valuable in your life, as well as very valuable in your actor's work. I'm damn proud of my ability to help other people achieve their ideas.
Stephen Colbert