If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun.
Woody AllenI don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person.
Woody AllenThe movie is usually, for me, something organic that grows all the time. I sit home and write it, and I'm in an isolated, four-walled environment, and I don't know what's going on. I just write it, and it's appearing in my head in some idealized way where every single moment works, and every little thing is perfect, because it's in my head.
Woody AllenAll the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.
Woody AllenA general philosophy of the female characters in my films is they all want something to believe in, and not having anything.
Woody AllenMost of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
Woody AllenMy grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad.
Woody AllenEverybody knows how awful the world is and what a terrible situation it is and each person distorts it in a certain way that enables him to get through. Some people distort it with religious things. Some people distort it with sports, with money, with love, with art, and they all have their own nonsense about what makes it meaningful, and all but nothing makes it meaningful. These things definitely serve a certain function, but in the end they all fail to give life meaning and everyone goes to his grave in a meaningless way.
Woody AllenIt has become harder and harder in the United States to make films unhampered by outside influences. I've always been able to steer clear of that and keep the business people out of my hair completely.
Woody AllenI don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.
Woody AllenThere are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
Woody AllenI'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Woody AllenI'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics.
Woody AllenI don't inhale because it gives you cancer, but I look so incredibly handsome with a cigarette that I can't not hold one.
Woody AllenI do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.
Woody AllenThe less I speak to the actors, the better. And I always hire great people, and I don't want to impose my pre-conceived notions on them. They know how to play it.
Woody AllenYou can't anticipate in the room the riches of what you encounter when you're location hunting for a movie.
Woody AllenWe stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
Woody AllenRegarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.
Woody AllenReal life is generally much duller and inevitably sadder, most of the time. In film, you control everything that's going on, so you can indulge the most fantastic, romantic, escapist feelings and fantasies. You can do anything you want. That's why it's very seductive and pleasurable to earn your living making movies because you're not living in the real world.
Woody AllenI took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
Woody Allen