While I've found many of the religious shows I've viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own beliefs, I've never considered it my place to exert any greater type of censorship than changing the channel, or better yet - turning off the TV completely.
Bill HicksWhy do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.
Bill HicksWe're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
Bill HicksHow do I know the Bible isn't the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand...considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!
Bill HicksThe war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney, its so obviously phoney, ok? It's a war against our civil rights, that's all it is. They're using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get suspending our rights one by one.
Bill HicksI have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don't know, and I feel it's my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?. . . . Non-smokers die every day . . . Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you've chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurling back to reality . . . You're dead too.
Bill HicksI go to dance clubs...about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!'
Bill HicksIt seems to me that there will be a point in out development or our evolution where you put your guns aside.
Bill HicksI was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor - even President, it seemed. And for the first time in the history of mankind, something new, called an astronaut. But like so many kids brought up on a steady diet of Westerns, I always wanted to be the avenging cowboy hero - that lone voice in the wilderness, fighting corruption and evil wherever I found it, and standing for freedom, truth and justice. And in my heart of hearts I still track the remnants of that dream wherever I go, in my endless ride into the setting sun.
Bill HicksI find it ironic that people who are against things that cause sexual thoughts are generally fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply.
Bill Hicks"Smoking may cause fetal injury or premature birth." ... I found my brand. Just don't get the ones that say, "Lung Cancer."
Bill HicksI was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now I wonder why we're f-ked up as a race. I've read the Bible. I can't find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the f-king book.
Bill HicksI've learned a lot about women. I think I've learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we'll never age, we'll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them. And Eve said, Yeah... it's just not enough is it?
Bill HicksI don't identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.
Bill HicksA Christian will say... "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.
Bill HicksPeople in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.
Bill HicksI used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York... Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!
Bill HicksSupreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts, that's their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmm... Sounds like... every commercial on television, doesn't it? You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I'm not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that's the connection they're trying to make.
Bill HicksI wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
Bill HicksWill there be titty? Sure. Boom! I'm a producer. Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood.
Bill HicksAll day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.'
Bill HicksI believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us...to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells.
Bill HicksIt's not that I disagreed with Bush's economic policy... I believed he was a child of Satan here to destroy the planet.
Bill HicksWe killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad...that's a little bit overdoing it.
Bill HicksI just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
Bill HicksDo I have a message? Yes, I do. Here's my message: as scary as the world is – and it is – it is merely a ride ...
Bill Hicks