Greg Behrendt Quotes

Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down.

The quickest way to rectify that mistake (choosing the wrong person) is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future.

Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.

For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.

If the guy you’re dating doesn’t seem to be completely into you, or you feel the need to start ‘figuring him out,’ please consider the glorious thought that he might just not be that into you. And then free yourself to go find someone that is.

If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.

You already have one asshole, you don't need another one

The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.

Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted time.

Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.

We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you

Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.

I mean, I feel like you can kill the same bird with both stones.

Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.

People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.

My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.

Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that's great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where's your Metallica?

I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.

A man would rather be trampled by elephants on fire than tell you he's just not that into you.

The only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.

I always say that I love magic but I hate magicians. I like being fooled. If you wave your hands in front of my face and I think you're doing a trick, I'm easily impressed. If you pull a quarter out of my ear, I'm quite certain you're a wizard. But I don't like the way most magicians don't act like they're magical; they act like show business dicks.

If he's not calling you, it's because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn't follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he's okay with disappointing you.

There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.

Sometimes we become attached to what's familiar, and sometimes we hold on to things that are safe and predictable, even if they are bad for us.

If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy.

It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.

You are not easily forgotten.

Turning a breakup into a break-over ... We want women to know that as bad as it can be, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself.

Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.

If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.

Better than nothing is not good enough for you!

He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.

I don't know" means "NO!" "I don't know" means "I'm too cowardly to tell you the truth because I can't deal with confrontation." "I don't know" means please do the dirty work for me because I don't want to hurt your feelings even more then I already have.

She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.

Because here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: They don’t break up with you.

People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.

..he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you.

Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.

The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.

Young people are gross with their faces and their hope.

It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less - even a vague pathetic facsimile of less - than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get, and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

He doesn't need to be reminded you're great.

When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.

...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.

Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.

Men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth.

So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.