Wanda Sykes Quotes

It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.

I'm going to leave The Wanda Sykes Show and try to get her job because $5 million ain't too bad!

When my wife and I leave California, I want to have my marriage recognized in Nevada, Arizona, all the way to New York. How can you stop people from loving each other? How can you get upset about loving?

It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.

I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun.

But sometimes the women writers will pitch something and I'll hear it, but the men will keep talking.

When I'm not on T.V. or working on a movie, I'm on the road doing stand-up. That's my roots.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I know every time I fly, I get checked twice: they stop me at security, and then, they get me again at the gate. And last time, it was so bad, they actually made me go through the machine with the luggage.

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.

When my parents send me emails the first 3 are blank.

You can't make a woman happy. That's like trying to cure a fatal disease. The goal is to treat the symptoms so you can comfortably live with the illness.

I watched a lot of comedy growing up.

Being gay is harder than being black. I didn't have to come out black. I didn't have to tell my parents about what its like to be black.

I feel today's society is so judgmental.

Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.

Whether you have a show or not, you can still be somewhere being funny.

Good comics stick around. There are people who have TV shows that might be successful, but comics can't really fake it. If you say, 'Hey, I love what you guys are doing - you're funny,' then you're in. It's legit.

That's what they want: two women. Fellas, I think that's a bit lofty. Because, come on, think about it - if you can't satisfy that one woman, why do you want to piss off another one? Why have two angry women in the bed with you at the same time? And think about it - you know how much you hate to talk after sex, imagine having two women just nagging you to death.

I'm a comedian so I'm not waiting around for someone to write a part for me. I don't have to wait for somebody else to create my next job; I have the ability to basically write my own ticket.

Ok so there's no TV shows, no movies going on fine, but I love going on stage and performing stand up so my situation is a little better than someone who's strictly just an actor or actress.

Should I talk about [having breast cancer]? Because how many things could I have? You know black, lesbian - I'm like, I can't be the poster child for everything. At least with the LGBT issues we get a parade and a float and it's a party.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing.

I had top-secret clearance and everything. I was working on a couple of projects that would keep me involved in Desert Storm. I was in the mix, which is scary.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that.

I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.

Yeah, I had top-secret clearance and everything.

To me, political office should be like jury duty. You should just get a notice in the mail one day and say, 'Aw, sh - , I'm secretary of state next month.

Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science.

With a black president, I can relax... I can dance in public... I can buy a whole watermelon now.

Whatever I talk about is what I'm interested in at the time. Politics are big with me. But right now being a mom is taking up most of my time... My act is more family-oriented than it is about politics.

How can you stop people from loving each other? How can you get upset about loving?

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.

I think the most difficult thing about coming out is just getting to that place where you're comfortable with who you are and you're sayin' hey this is ok and just accepting yourself and not caring what other people think. Because if you don't have that confidence in who you are then, if things don't go the way you wish that they will, you know if people aren't accepting then they can easily tear you down if you're not prepared and comfortable with who you are.

My worlds collide. When one things happens, it just starts a domino effect - everything else goes on.

If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.

I think maybe Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. But he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight. Rush Limbaugh, 'I hope the country fails' - I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? ... He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs.

Once you start making money, you can be an ass. But I am not an ass. I'm too lazy, that takes a lot of energy.

People say, 'Well don't you regret not having kids?' And I go, 'No, not really.' And then if they keep asking, I always say this, 'Well, you know, maybe I'll adopt.' But I don't mean that. It's just something I say to make me sound like a nicer person.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

There are just so many more laws and rules that apply with marriage that do not come with domestic partnership and also to me it's the commitment.

If you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

That's proof right there that men and women are on different levels because men can watch two women together and that's a turn-on. It doesn't work the same way for us, does it, ladies? No, uh-uh - it doesn't work the same. You ask any woman in here her sexual fantasy, and I will bet you a million dollars that it's NOT to go home and catch your man bent over with some big, burly guy standing behind him.

I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too.

I think the worst one [indian mascot] is the Cleveland Indians' Big Chief Wahoo. It's just a red face on a baseball with a big, toothy grin. It's the Sambo of all other offensive mascots. I have never seen a Native American smile that hard before, not even at a casino opening.