Bob Hope Quotes

Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.

Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.

Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting.

I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

US President Gerald Ford's golf was so bad we thought he was a 'Hitman for the PGA!

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "

It's amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn't sell theirs threw them away.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.

If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it.

Television. That's where movies go when they die.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

I was there. I saw your sons and your husbands, your brothers and your sweethearts. I saw how they worked, played, fought, and lived. I saw some of them die. I saw more courage, more good humor in the face of discomfort, more love in an era of hate and more devotion to duty than could exist under tyranny.

I don't bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard ... I sell.

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.

The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles.

Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.

Don't tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.

I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else.

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole.

I've never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn't know how really great he is.

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy he's hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.