Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn't hear them.
Bob HopeIn England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the major studios and then figures out where he can fit in a little rain without upsetting Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer too much.
Bob HopeMy secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
Bob HopeIt's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.
Bob HopeMy old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!
Bob HopeWe flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.
Bob HopeJack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.
Bob HopeBing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me." And that's the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!
Bob HopeMy father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.
Bob HopeWhere else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?
Bob HopeThe high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear's huge jaws. I wouldn't even try that with my agent.
Bob HopeThere are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.
Bob HopePerfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you'll promise her anything.
Bob HopeEvery Naval vessel has a contingent of Marines aboard. After all, the Sailors have to have someone to dance with.
Bob HopeHaving so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.
Bob HopeYou know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.
Bob HopeEighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
Bob HopeThe Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything.
Bob HopeTo give you an idea of how fast we travelled - we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.
Bob HopeEisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days - whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.
Bob HopeSomebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.
Bob Hope