Marshall B. Rosenberg Quotes

Never connect yourself with the other person's pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person's feelings and needs.

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our environment.

NVC requires us to be continually conscious of the beauty within ourselves and other people.

When we judge others we contribute to violence.

Four D's of Disconnection: 1. Diagnosis (judgment, analysis, criticism, comparison); 2. Denial of Responsibility; 3. Demand; 4. 'Deserve' oriented language.

All moralistic judgments, whether positive or negative, are tragic expressions of unmet needs.

We are never angry because of what others say or do. It is our thinking that makes us angry.

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry.

Punishment is the root of violence on our planet.

The cause of anger lies in our thinking - in thoughts of blame and judgment.

Blaming and punishing others are superficial expressions of anger.

Thinking based on who deserves what blocks compassionate communication.

Judgments of others contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies.

NVC enhances inner communication by helping us translate negative internal messages into feelings and needs. Our ability to distinguish our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.

Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.

Empathy gives you the ability to enjoy another person's pain.

When we express our needs indirectly through the use of evaluations, interpretations, and images, others are likely to hear criticism. When people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. It's important that when we address somebody that we're clear what we want back.

Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What do I want this person to do that's different from what he or she is currently doing? If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence the person's behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn't likely to work: What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing what I'm asking?

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests.

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I'm in a different world.

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves.

Enemy images are the main reason conflicts don't get resolved.

To practice the process of conflict resolution, we must completely abandon the goal of getting people to do what we want.

Anger tells us we've disconnected from life. The purpose in anger is to use it to come back to life.

Anger, depression, guilt, and shame are the product of the thinking that is at the base of violence on our planet.

Public education for some time has been heavily focused on what curricula we believe will be helpful to students. Life-Enriching Education is based on the premise that the relationship between teachers and students, the relationships of students with one another, and the relationships of students to what they are learning are equally important in preparing students for the future.

In empathy, you don't speak at all. You speak with the eyes. You speak with your body. If you say any words at all, it's because you are not sure you are with the person. So you may say some words. But the words are not empathy. Empathy is when the other person feels the connection with what's alive in you.

Don't hate the circumstance, you may miss the blessing

The first step in healing is to put the focus on what's alive now, not what happened in the past.

When I recognize I've got anger, then I realize it's because I have a need that's not being met.

Never do anything that isn't play.

Our survival as a species depends on our ability to recognize that our well-being and the well-being of others are in fact one and the same.

Two things distinguish nonviolent actions from violent actions. First, you don't see an enemy and second, your intention is not to make the other side suffer.

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he's the cause of his pain.

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions.

NVC suggests behind every action, however ineffective, tragic, violent, or abhorrent to us, is an attempt to meet a need.

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move forward.

People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.

When it comes to giving advice, never do so unless you've first received a request in writing, signed by a lawyer.

It's really a spiritual practice that I am trying to show as a way of life.

Whether I praise or criticize someone's action, I imply that I am their judge, that I'm engaged in rating them or what they have done.

We are responsible for what we hear other people say and for how we act.

Everything we do is in service of our needs. When this one concept is applied to our view of others, we'll see that we have no real enemies, that what others do to us is the best possible thing they know to do to get their needs met.

Needs are the expression of life through us.

Fear of punishment diminishes self-esteem and goodwill.

Getting in touch with unmet needs is important to the healing process.

Empathizing with someone's 'no' protects us from taking it personally.

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need.