Marshall B. Rosenberg Quotes

When we fear punishment, we focus on consequences, not on our own values.

If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy which then enables us to be present with the other person. If this fails to happen, however, we have a couple of other choices.

All that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries about consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to maintain a perspective of empathy for ourselves and others, even under trying conditions.

To do this, you can bring in nothing from the past. So the more psychology you've studied, the harder it will be to empathize. The more you know the person, the harder it will be to empathize. Diagnoses and past experiences can instantly knock you off the board. This doesn't mean denying the past. Past experiences can stimulate what's alive in this moment. But are you present to what was alive then or what the person is feeling and needing in this moment?

While we may not consider the way we talk to be 'violent,' our words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or for ourselves.

We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.

Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing.

Learning is too precious to be motivated by coercive tactics.

Criticism, analysis, and insults are tragic expressions of unmet needs.

We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves.

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being

NVC helps us connect with each other and ourselves in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish.

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters.

When our communication supports compassionate giving and receiving, happiness replaces violence and grieving.

When we listen for feelings and needs - we can see that people who seem like monsters are simply human beings whose language and behavior sometimes keep us from seeing their humanness.

The number one reason that we don't get our needs met, we don't express them. We express judgments. If we do express needs, the number two reasons we don't our needs met, we don't make clear requests.

I recommend allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before turning our attention to solutions or requests for relief. When we proceed too quickly to what people might be requesting, we may not convey our genuine interest in their feelings and needs; instead, they may get the impression that we're in a hurry to either be free of them or to fix their problem. Furthermore, an initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related - and often more powerful - feelings.

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace.

Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words.

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind it.

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them.

The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things 'because we're supposed to.

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs.

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he'll jump in.

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying, "please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment, or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of "please".

An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves-the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words "because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word "think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard, but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction.

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person.

Anger can be a wonderful wake up call to help you understand what you need and what you value.

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of themselves.

We are this divine energy. It's not something we have to attain. We just have to realize it, to be present to it.

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE (an opportunity to make life more wonderful).

Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and others behavior, we have no enemies.

The more we talk about the past, the less we heal from it.

With empathy we don't direct, we follow. Don't just do something, be there.

A need is life seeking expression within us.

When we have our consciousness on needs, images come to us, naturally, of how to meet those needs.

To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what they think about you.

Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward, everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation, everybody pays for.

People heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with another human being.

Intellectual understanding blocks empathy.

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet their needs.

I think that there is a problem with rewards and consequences because in the long run, they rarely work in the ways we hope. In fact, they are likely to backfire.

You can't make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn't made them wish they had.

Every message, regardless of form or content, is an expression of a need.

Children need far more than basic skills in reading, writing, and math, as important as those might be. Children also need to learn how to think for themselves, how to find meaning in what they learn, and how to work and live together.