Robin Williams Quotes

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

We were totally opposite - me coming from the West Coast and a junior college, and him [ Christopher Reeve] from the hard-core Ivy League. He used to be the studly studly of all studlies, and I was the little fool ferret boy.

My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings. And a favorite book as a child? Growing up, it was 'The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe' - I would read the whole C.S. Lewis series out loud to my kids. I was once reading to Zelda, and she said 'don't do any voices. Just read it as yourself.' So I did, I just read it straight, and she said 'that's better.'

The things we fear the most have already happened to us.

Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with personal trauma.

Humor is a great defense, and an offense too. Usually the recipient isn't too happy about it, but the people around are laughing.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

Terrible wars have been fought where millions have died for one idea - freedom. And it seems that something that means so much to so many people would be worth having.

I was once walking in an airport and a woman came up to me and said, 'Be zany!'. That'd be like walking up to Baryshikov and going, 'Plie! Just do a plie! Do it! Do a releve right now! Lift my wife!'

There's this thing called freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your home. It should be called 'homebasing'.

Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

Improv. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but when it does, it's like open-field running.

I enjoy that, and the idea of doing small things over a period of time. I think there are certain things you can do for water control in America, because that will be our most precious resource. In America, you pay more for water than you do for gas.

Here's the best birth control in the whole world, if you really, if you have no pills, if you have no diaphragm, if you have no other form of contraception. Use it for ladies, if he comes at you with that little thing in his hand, just laugh at it. They can't deal with it, OK, it'll be gone.

To make fun of an administration, to make fun of anything, Mark Twain said, is the last defense of democracy.

The truth is, if anything, I'm probably addicted to laughter.

As intellectual as we think we are, you still trip, we still have human foibles, sexuality, all the different things to still make you aware of your humanity.

Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public. Once you step on stage you're licensed to do that. It's an understood relationship. You walk on stage - it's your job.

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.

I had to stop drinking alcohol, because I used to wake up nude in front of my car with my keys in my ass.

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.

What is this demilitarized zone? Whatever it is, I like it! Gets you on your toes better than a strong cup of cappuccino.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Friends come in all sizes, take it from me! Golly gee, size doesn't matter, when you want some friendly patter from a pal who is true.

The entire world will be in nuclear war, and only the Swiss will be going, 'what's that noise?'

I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.

With a bike you go from zero to a hundred in terms of mobility.

You might say he was one taco short of a combination platter.

There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, 'People--they'r e kinda like flowers, and it's been a privilege walking in your garden.' My love goes with you.

Come on now! You kick out the gooks, the next thing you know, you have to kick out the chinks, the spicks, the spooks, the kikes and all that's going to be left is a couple of brain-dead rednecks.

When I'm riding my bicycle I feel like a Buddhist who is happy just to enjoy his mundane existence

If you're going to do a movie about the Village, it's pretty nice to shoot in the village and not be in Toronto.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.

A woman wouldn't make a bomb that kills you. A woman would make a bomb that makes you feel bad for a while. That's why there should be a woman President. There'd never be any wars, just every twenty-eight days there'd be very intense negotiations.

Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.

If you're that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution, to a temporary problem.

You appreciate little things, like walks on the beach with a defibrillator.

For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. It comes out of a deeper, darker side. Maybe it comes from anger, because I'm outraged by cruel absurdities, the hypocrisy that exists everywhere, even within yourself, where it's hardest to see.

I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

It was kind of a decompression - from straight alcohol to mixed drinks to wine to spritzers - and then you're out.

My childhood was lonely. Both my parents were away a lot, working, and the maid basically raised me. And I think that's where a lot of my comedy comes from. Not only was the maid very funny and witty, but when my mother came home I'd use humour to try and get her attention. If I made mommy laugh, then maybe everything would be all right. I think that's where it [my comedy] all started.

I love running cross-country...You come up a hill and see two deer going, 'What the hell is he doing?' On a track I feel like a hamster.

I was in Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibouti, Bahrain. The first year I went pretty much by myself. Then I went with General [Richard] Myers, head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The shows and audiences were amazing. You'll never get a better group of people.

People say that I'm a tree hugger, but I do a lot more than hug trees. I like having my drinking water without faecal matter, that's really nice. Or acceptable levels of strychnine. I'm an air breather, I've gotten used to that over the years.

I had my back waxed once by two women... and at one point they said, Do you mind if we take a break?

It's frightening and exhilarating. It's like combat. Look at the metaphors: You kill when it works; you die when it doesn't.

I love kids, but they are a tough audience.