Bo Burnham Quotes

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

When I see someone filming me, I don't usually think, 'No, man, don't put this up online!' I'd think, 'Hey man, you don't get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!' I love going to theatre and to shows so much.

I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.

The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.

I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face.

The strength of comedy is I don't have to answer to anybody but sometimes you want to learn from other people and see your ideas strengthen by other people.

I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.

The average person has one Fallopian tube.

The thing is, I was on YouTube like the golden era, I think. Before ads came in, it was really cool back then.

Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop's another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you're talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It's like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

Nothing's true that I say, because I don't really want to say anything. I don't think my life's that cool, and I don't think my opinion's that valid. They're just silly jokes. Usually I just take a topic that isn't funny at all, like Shakespeare, and work backwards. I just try to find an unfunny subject.

I see young people being dismissed for supposedly wanting only "stupid" and "easy" material, or that they don't have an attention span longer than three minutes. I disagree with all those statements; I just think they aren't true. I'm saying that our generation wants stuff that is substantial and challenging, as well as thoughtful and endearing. Well, I don't know if I'm doing that, but I'm trying.

Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it's totally not, which is why I'm trying to get away from it because it's just easy and automatic.

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet.

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.

Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.

I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

I just like to write and then perform.

Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.

Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy.

I don't consciously try to make things difficult as much as I try to make them a little different. I like all kinds of laughs. I tried to make a show that elicit groans, guffaws, chuckles, boos.

When things [writing] are over, I always think, 'well, I'm never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I'm going to go be a farmer'. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won't happen.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist... how do we fix Africa?'

My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that's a lovely addition.

I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, 'Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast. They must have some special kind of cereal!' My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.

I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a 'sociopath.'

I'm bored way too easily. I'm staring at screens half the day. I need to be overstimulated. And how will that express itself artistically?

I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.

No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you.

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18... Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.

At the time of 'Words, Words, Words,' I'm a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he's entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that's inherently a little bit ridiculous.

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.

It's not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage. I feel more like I'm doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.

And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.

If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.