Ogden Nash Quotes

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

To Tom Carlson or his dog-depending on whose taste it best suits.

People expect old men to die, They do not really mourn old men. Old men are different. People look At them with eyes that wonder when ... People watch with unshocked eyes; But the old men know when an old man dies.

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

Nobody agrees with anybody else anyhow, but adults conceal it and infants show it.

Remorse is violent dyspepsia of the mind.

A lady is known by the product she endorses.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how.

Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But Hating, my boy, is an Art.

Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.

Here's a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends, with the sparkle of beer and wine; May its sentiment always be deeper, my friends, than the foam at the top of the stein. Then here's to the heartening wassail, wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.

I think progress began to retrogress when Wilbur and Orville started tinkering around in Dayton and at Kitty Hawk, because I believe that two Wrights made a wrong.

The old men know when an old man dies.

A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.

I'd rather be a great bad poet than a good bad poet.

Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup; I So, presently, must I.

I myself am more and more inclined to agree with Omar and Satchel Paige as I grow older: Don't try to rewrite what the moving finger has writ, and don't ever look over your shoulder.

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

In real life, it takes only one to make a quarrel.

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive.

A lady wants to be dressed exactly like everybody else but she gets pretty up- set if she sees anybody else dressed exactly like her.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker.

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.

Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited.

No man is greater than his respect for sleep.

When a lady's erotic life is vexed God knows what God is coming next.

Too much Chablis can make you whablis.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

When there are monsters there are miracles.

I test my bath before I sit, And I'm always moved to wonderment That what chills the finger not a bit Is so frigid upon the fundament.

Then here's to the heartening wassail, Wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.

Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.

The reason for much matrimony is patrimony.

One rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it/Never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it.

Middle-aged life is merry, and I love to lead it.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Time is so old and love so brief, love is pure gold and time a thief. We're late, darling, we're late, The curtain descends, everything ends, too soon, too soon.

Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.

In the world of mules there are no rules.

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.

He without benefit of scruples - His fun and money soon quadruples.

And you stagger down to break your fast. Greasy bacon and lacquered eggs And coffee composed of frigid dregs.

Why did the Lord give use so much quickness unless it was to avoid responsibility?

Time is like the ocean, always there, always different.

There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.'

He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more