Andy Rooney Quotes

We aren't consistent in our treatment of animals.

We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers. More college graduates ought to become plumbers or electricians, then go home at night and read Shakespeare.

I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I just wish insignificance had more stature.

The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.

I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.

You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off.

We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.

We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of lonliness. We need each other and we need to get away from each other. We need proximity and distance, conversation and silence. We almost always get more of each than we want at any one time.

I've learned... that just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

Everyone hates war, everyone says.

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.

Art is a by-product of an honest and successful attempt to do something well.

I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.

If I'd known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can't remember a single project I would have started.

Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.

Being kind is more important than being right.

Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

We can all be prouder to be human beings, because that's what they were. They make up for a lot of liars, cheats, and terrorists among us.

Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.

Creativity is a by-product of hard work. If I never have another really new idea, it won't matter.

I'm always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.

The teacher who knows the most about a subject isn't necessarily the one who can teach it best.

Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.

Don't keep saying, "I don't know where the time goes." It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is.

The last birthday that's any good is 23.

If you put on an item of clothing that hurts just because you have an idea it looks better or conforms to what other people are wearing, it's dumb.

I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.

I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.

One of my major shortcomings - I'm vindictive. I don't know why that is. Even in petty things in my life I tend to strike back. It's a lot more pleasurable a sensation than feeling threatened.

In spite of some bad experiences, I'm a firm believer in the trial and error method of learning.

I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

Civilization means conforming to a standard of behavior that may not seem natural to us.

Those of us who don't have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading "Confused.

Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.

Finding the tool is often half the battle.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

Every one starts out being an atheist.

When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, "Things aren't as good as they used to be." But it's hard not to.

Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion - as long as it agrees with ours.

Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.

We've sent a man to the moon and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week but for some reason nobody's ever done it.

Not many people in this world are as lucky as I've been. ... All this time I've been paid to say what is on my mind on television. You don't get any luckier in life than that.

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.