Bob Hope Quotes

It's not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course - you just follow the wounded.

Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.

Gerry Ford is easy to spot on the course. He drives the cart with the red cross painted on top.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life.

Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.

Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.

It gave dirty politics a bad name.

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.

Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it's also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.

Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life. She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.

I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

Please don't stand up on my account.

There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

I can't give up Golf, I've got too many sweaters.

Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's known at my house, Passover.

When you get over 95, every day is your day.

Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!

Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?

I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.

The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake.

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome - the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.

England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.