Will Rogers Quotes

If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production.

Personally, I have always felt that the best doctor in the world is the Veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter...he's just got to know.

The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.

The problem ain't what people know. It's what people know that ain't so that's the problem.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'

Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco.

Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

Lord, the money we do spend on Government and it's not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.

In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing.

People want just taxes more than they want lower taxes. They want to know that every man is paying his proportionate share according to his wealth.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.

Syntax must be bad, having sin and tax in it.

Conferences are just like the poor and the Democrats, they will always be with us.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

People learn more from observation that they do from conversation.

Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.

Every guy looks in his pocket and then votes.

In politics practically everything you hear is scandal, and besides, the funny thing is that the things they are whispering ain't half has bad as the things they have been saying right out loud.

The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.

If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.

The good old horse-and-buggy days: then you lived until you died and not until you were run over.

You can't fool all of the people all of the time. But it isn't necessary.

If Wall Street paid a tax on every “game” they run, we would get enough revenue to run the government on.

The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the President has to tell 'em.

Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat.

Everyone is a self-made man. Only the successful admit it.

The only thing that can stop hair from falling ... is the floor.

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.

Parades should be classed as a nuisance and participants should be subject to a term in prison.

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

You have to have a serious streak in you, or you can't see the funny side of the other fellow.

Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

People should be more concerned with the return of their principal than the return on their principal.

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.

More words ain't good for anything in the world only to bring on more argument.

This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die.

I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.