Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.

You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, My other car is a combine.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us.

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

As an individual, as a household, you can't spend more money than you're bringing in. You can do it for a little while, but you end up going broke and you end up losing everything you have. That is the path that we're on as a country, and it scares me to death.

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

If you don't have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.

You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.

You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.

It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

As an actor, there was that freedom of not having to worry about lights or marks or other people. It was just going out there and having fun with the character.

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

I'm an outdoor nut. If I'm not working, I'm on a tractor on my farm, hunting, fishing or climbing a mountain.

You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.

You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

I always wore cowboy boots and drove a truck, and talked like this. So everywhere I would go in comedy people would say, "Foxworthy, you ain't nothing but a redneck from Georgia!" It kind of became a formula joke.