Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

If you think fast food is hittin a deer att 65 miles per hr.. you might be a redneck

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart.. You might be a rednneck

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn.

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right

You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.

You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.